Can we come home yet?

So we left on our last ever overland journey....and it came went however with not too much drama, just a very busy carriage and a crazy old man with a staff and dagger. Anyway we got to Delhi, but unfortunately didn't land ourselves at the ideal train station so had to make our way, via crazy Tuk-Tuk driver number 10,395 to our last abode, Smyle Inn. Which, after cursing it upon entry had everything we needed and more, with a free breakfast and AC! We hit up a roof top restaurant for dinner and ordered and obscene amount of food, not even touching the Dal, and planned the next day to be shopping day.

Unfortunately the 'Main Bazaar' near to our hotel now looks like central Baghdad with a street widening scheme that means rubble is falling on your head most of the time. We instead headed for the two large government-run Emporiums mainly as never of us are big shoppers and all our goodies would be in one area and we could not be asred to do any more bartering and fighting in local markets. The Emporiums are great as they have various items made and sent from all over India and so are a perfect souvenir and 'spent your last Rupee's' hideout. This task however, still spent all day as we to'ed and fro'ed between the two deciding how big to go, but the task was satisfactory completed and bags will be bulging for the flight home. We spent the evening relaxing back at the rooftop bar we decided it was safe and yet again, somehow, order far too much food! Unfortunately Steve is living to regret one line he boldly stated in the restaurant "F**k it, I'm having the chicken!".....We had been sticking to mainly vegetarian food in India for safety reason and it was working well (minus the day fever I had) as meat is always a higher risk. However now as I write this, Steve is exploding from every direction and officially, whilst in Delhi, has 'Delhi Belly', the one thing we have been dreading since our arrival. When asked how I should portray how he felt on the blog he simply said "Bad.." mainly because he couldn't muster any more words. Hopefully he will improve soon as we fly tomorrow which could be interesting...

Before this took hold we did manage a cheeky morning trip to Central Delhi to see the Presidential Palace and India Gate separated by Delhi's version of the Champs-Élysées, which was very nice and a welcome break from the small dirty streets that we have become accustom to. There is certainly a sizable gap here between the rich and the poor...

It is simply the case now, and I'm nearly 100% sure Steve agrees with me, we are ready to come home. We fly tommorrow night and arrive back on English soil at 6.45 am Saturday morning, Ash clouds/BA strikes/Delhi Belly/Godzilla permitting. Cross you fingers and starting getting excited!

Hot Hot Hot!

We had much better results on the train! Firstly we somehow managed to get ourselves into the wrong carriage, but it was the one that held the reserved seats for the military and tourist quotas, so we met an Aussie lad we had seen in the not-so-'Super Pub' in Kolkata and also chatted to a German girl whose boyfriend had managed to poleaxe himself by eating food from a street vendor and was now going through the living nightmare that strikes fear into the heart of all travelers in this area - being ill in India! (on a night train too, poor chap).

Anywho, we were just hunkering down for bed when the ticket man came along and made us move to the carriage we were actually booked on (the one with all the locals), which is fair enough, but we were bemused as to how we had made the mistake and also fearful of another night of discomfort at the hands of rude Indians. Nothing happened though. We got on our beds, a family arrived and got on theirs and we caught some sleep when the rocking of the train allowed and in between the deafening booms of passing trains on the line. We arrived a few hours late - not a problem as we were meant to get in at 5.45am and went through the usual routine of batting off annoying tuk-tuk drivers and all other salespeople of various description. When we got a lift with a lad in the end we also endured the usual role play of making friends and then him trying to con us into hiring him for the rest of the millenia. We are getting better at side stepping these rouses, his massive arms (which we had to squeeze, obviously) and the fact that he was some sort of fighting champ for the whole of Agra planting the only doubts in our minds before we made a hasty escape to the hotel reception.

What an upgrade! Our budget seems to buy a lot more in Agra. Marble everywhere and little men in uniforms who carried our bags to our room for us. Slight confusion ensued when we realized we had to tip the buggers and didn't have a frog's lolly about what a good tip was. We threw some Rupees at them and they seemed a bit too happy so we prob overestimated!! We then unpacked and died in the manner traditional after night transport before stuffing a large breakfast to get us moving again in what we believe is one of the world's most scenic rooftop restaurants. Just one flight of stairs above are room was the hotels eatery which afforded the most breathtaking view of the big T.M. We started getting excited but soon remembered that our meticulous planning had landed us in Agra on a Friday - the one day of the week that the Taj is closed. Clever, eh?

Instead we battled the surface-of-the-sun temperatures by taking a stroll around the bazaar areas and up to Agra fort. On the walk we obviously got hassled the entire time. Some fairly impressive ones on this particular journey though, including the boy who wanted to sell us a snow globe for about 500 Rupees (extortionate) before following us for literally about a kilometer gradually reducing his price the more we ignored him until he was offering 12 for 100 rupees! 12! We hadn't even started bartering. He didn't seem to understand the concept that we might simply not want a tacky snow globe of the Taj (or twelve), and the irony that he was selling a SNOW globe in record high temperatures in Utter Pradesh was also obviously lost. When he decided to split we met another fellow who was also rather small who simply followed us. He didn't beg or even try and talk (which we found thoroughly refreshing), he simply followed us. All the way to Agra fort, all around the outside and back. He then asked Stu for money, and when it was clear that we found the fact that he had invested about an hour and half following us thinking we might somehow form a little sympathy bond funny, he hit Stu and went off. He should have tried some western girls, they would have broken a lot easier; unfortunately we have now seen so much poverty and begging that is a lot easier to stick to our guns about giving out money.

After the fort things were really hotting up (literally) and after a break in the luxury of our hotel we went off in search of food. We found a very enthusiastic man who owed a rooftop restaurant and crucially a very reasonably priced menu and piled in. Nice little view of the Taj from up there and great food (the butter Naan particularly). Who should we spy but the Aussie as well, he came to join us for a beer. We didn't linger though, we had plans of retreating to our hotel for what we believed would be one of the best sunset vantage points in the city. Our hotel being just to the east of town and with the sun most likely setting in the west, you can see the logic was infallible. So was the evening show we were treated to; playing some cards as the sun descended, burned the most awesome red in the kind of way you might associate with India and then popped over the horizon.

The next day we were at the east gate, ticket in hand by 6.00am. Let me tell you now, this is worth the groggy start not only to escape the heat, but also the day tours that herald from Delhi and arrive mid morning. The morning light on the big T is also pretty breathtaking. The Taj Mahal is awesome. We killed over two hours pottering around without even realizing it before the sun started to get a bit too warm (yes, even at 8.00 is not nice in this heat) and we decided it was sensible to have some breakfast. We even saw Aussie and we bumped into a much less pale German lad and his girl. We somehow managed to take even more photos before we left at about 8.30 and devoured an interesting take on 'western breakfast'. It was 25 Rupees though so 'nuff said.

Not much else compared to that start for the rest of the day, except perhaps the joy of arriving at the train station at around four for another train!! It was due to arrive in Jaipur that evening though, so we were buoyed by the thought of not needing to sleep on it. Turns out we were so tired that staying awake to make our stop was actually the problem. We were kept entertained by a young lad with surprising English though, who we chatted to about Cricket and Indian music and a hundred other things (including wrestling, which is more Stu's specialty than mine). Since we had become 'best friends', which is fair as he is now probably our best Indian friend, we were offered food by the family and then also asked a lot a searching questions from his sisters, who we are convinced were looking for husbands. When we were asked how much our monthly income was (not a rude or unusual question here) we did some quick maths and shocked ourselves as much as the family by the figure in Rupees we offered back. This must have been the point at which they decided that they must have photos with us and our autographs... cue a lot of explanation about how much things actually cost in England compared to India and that we weren't actually superstars. ...Or maybe it was Stu's magic trick which literally had the ENTIRE carriage craning their necks to see.

Anyway we stayed up until Jaipur and decided in our infinite wisdom that given the proximity of our hotel to the station we could walk it. I'm sure we would have had a much easier time of it if the place wasn't riddled with alleys and side streets and the address was more specific than 'plot 4' and a road name. Many thanks go to the people who kept pointing us in the right direction! After some seriously terrible sleep in the worlds hottest hotel room we were both worse for wear. Stu was clearly completely out of sorts though and couldn't even make it to the bathroom without feeling the universe slip away around him. When he said he felt cold (which is actually a physical impossibility) it was an easy conclusion to make that he had some sort of fever. We moved rooms to one we were promised was cooler and quite frankly did very little. Jaipur wasn't about to tempt me on my own given the temperature, and I felt I should probably keep a eye on Stu in case he decided he fancied being hospitalized, so I just popped in and out for food and the like.

We have had a better go at things today. With Stu able to stand and the temperature only a touch above 49 degrees (an official record for Rajesthan) we managed to explore the old city, climb a tower for some views and buy some Indian cricket tops. All this was interspersed with cold drinks and sit downs. We made it to about 2.30, but we started at 8.30 to avoid the heat, so we're calling that a good day given the conditions. The pink city certainly is pink, pretty much everywhere thanks to a lad who painted it so sometime in the past, and it's probably the least shitty and smelly of our stops here, so we quite like it. Second test in the windies tonight vs the saffers, and given the low temperature for the eve is about 30 and we have a TV we are going to indulge. Besides, we are up early again tomorrow to catch a train to Dehli. That's our last stop!!!

Disgusting yet enchanting

India is disgusting. No two ways about it. Since we have been here we have seen rubbish literally everywhere, cows rooming the streets, woman urinating on railway tracks, men doing worse next to the Ganges River whilst people are bathing; to name but a few. This aside, India has been amazing so far, completely different to anywhere else we have been. It is an attack on all the senses, in particular smell, which cannot be accurately portrayed with words. It is anything but a relaxed last two weeks!

On our last day in Kolkata we ventured back to the Maiden to see if we could play some cricket with the local kids and after being bombarded by offers we eventually joined a game. Steve was straight into the field whilst I chilled with the batting side with my new found translater 12 year old Muhammad 'Seph' Khan, whose English was perfect (even to the point of listening to Miley Cyrus on his phone...). Steve then got called up to bowl but after one somewhat 'loose' delivery was asked "Do you bowl?", "No" was the reply, "Do you bat?", "No", "Do you play cricket?", "Not really....". This sort of set the tone with my batting not proving much better, however I managed to catch one in the deep and my team one by 3 runs. It was an incredible experience playing with the lads in their world with the hazy sun on our backs and the Victoria Memorial in the distance, unfortunately we did English cricket no favors.....

That wrong was righted but our glorious cricket team that evening in winning the T20 World Cup against the Aussies!!! As you can imagine we have met a lot of our Southern Hemisphere friends on our travels so this victory was very sweet indeed! We found a small place named 'Super Pub' which wasn't really that super and more like a small dungeon that Del Boy would frequent. The locals all wanted England to win and with our Westerners table all for the boys in blue it was a great, Kingfisher fueled evening!

With stage one being surviving Kolkata, we were ready for stage two of our Indian adventure, an 18 hour train to Varanasi in Sleeper Class (only 4 quid a ticket). Once at the station, we were awestruck by the shear volume of people and traffic. India has people everywhere! We managed to find the right train and our names were on the print out, happy! In our compartment we met a few lads who were mesmerized by us, in particular when we spoke, and just stared at us for most of the journey. In our wisdom we had booked the lower seats, thinking they would be better closer to our bags. ERROR! Although they were next to said bags, they were also the general seats until bedtime and also still general seats for people who jump on in the middle of the night, cue people sitting on our legs etc. You just cant get away from hoards of people here! The train proved to be a great way to see the Indian scenery and watch the world go by (we are so bored of buses), with people hanging off the sides and jumping on moving trains to sell various items, it was like a scene from "Slumdog Millionaire". Happily we arrive in Varanasi on time-ish and although very dirty and tired, still intact.

Our time in Varanasi has been dictated by one major factor, the unrelenting heat. We knew we were going to India in their summer but 45 degree with no breeze is not funny and from the looks of the forecast we arn't going to see anything less for the remainder of the trip, cheers! British weather is starting to seem very enticing indeed (never thought I'd say that...). Due to this we decided upon an AC room, very rare for us, but with Varanasi's electrical grid system being from 2500BC we have spent half our time without it! Varanasi is the Hindu holy city and thousands of Indians come every day to bath in the water and worship on the banks of the Ganges, in one of the tens of Ghats along the river bank. Our first evening was spent, alongside Aussie Pilot Ben, watching the evening ceremonies unfolding along the river with thousands of Hindus. Varanasi comes alive both in the early morning and later evening (mainly due to the heat) and the Ganges bank turns into an open air temple with music and fire making the place seem both mystical and magical. We also attempted a day walk through the alleys of Varanasi which are a maze of shit and cows, we were lost before we started as was every other white person we met.

The next morning we took a 5.30am boat cruise along the Ganges with Ben which again provided us with incredible scenes of the locals using the river for every task under the sun! Literally everything. The furthest point of the trip took us to a burning Ghat where we watched a river side cremation. Although shocking at first, this seems to fit their way of life perfectly as everything is returned to the holy river. After that we fruitlessly went to a fort which we didn't go in, cheers Lonely Planet, but the crazy auto-rickshaw ride there more than made up for it. We hid from the heat of the sun and spent the evening chilling in our hotel roof top bar watching and listening the scenes unfold again as they do everyday at this spectacular venue. Another morning visit to see the main burning Ghat and our time in Varanasi was up. Tonight a night train to Agra and lower seats in sleeper class again, get in!

We really should blog more often...

Devastation. The only pub in Luang Prabang that shows sports did not get the channel the F1 was on. We drank beer and played pool instead. Luckily we had arranged to meet our Aussie friends Matt and Sandy there so all was not lost. Later, a Spaniard and a Slovenian from Muong Ngoi took us up on our invitation for beer also and joined us so we chatted and kept our eye on the footy. The next day we took the long and windy road back to Vang Vieng, this time deciding a minivan might fair better up the hills, but not counting on having the world's most laidback driver. A refreshing change I might add, as everyone else who drives in these parts seems hell bent on suicide. We made fair time and DIDN'T stay in the guesthouse of our last visit. For 80p extra a night we upgraded to a riverside bungalow. Very nice. Once again we met up with the Aussie duo in Qbar (who are clearly lost without us and followed us all this way...) for a free bucket. Then another bucket and finally a bucket in Bucket bar and some dancing. This may have been a bucket too far as when we met in the morning for a bit of tubing action, canceling said tubing due to overhungness was considered. However, we were not in Vang Vieng to f**k spiders and we concluded the best solution was an early beer on the river.

Having done tubing before Stu and I felt we had a fair idea of what to expect. This is another example of how we manage to continually underestimate Vang Vieng and it's hedonistic culture. Beer in hand we floated through the early bars, did the crazy swings and generally made merry as before. The only notable difference to our last stretch on this part of the river was the point where we found even more Aussies at 'mud bar' and promptly started a game of mud volleyball. This is perhaps the most pointless yet equally most entertaining game I have ever come across. At some points the 'court' was waist deep and there was no way quick movements could be undertaken. Needless to say, we simply got caked head to toe. However, due to Vang Viengs superb tubing course design we merely had to use one of the swings and get ploughed into the river at high speed to clean off. I got a nose-full.

After this, we went back to slide bar and had a bucket, scared ourselves silly on the mother swing and got bruises from the slide but then strange, unexplainable things happened. We went back to sling-shot bar; the bar of previous post fame for it's moonshine buckets, and everything went to pot. Two bottles of rice whiskey were used to make us four buckets (you do the math) and four free joints were produced. Some of us partook in these smoke-able delights and drank their buckets rather fast, berating others who had decided to take the aeroplane fuel at a slower pace. Apparently we met people in this period and had some fun and games with the pool table and cue, but this was lost on us until the morning when Sandy produced her camera, and some of the funniest photos from the tour so far. (Large black periods still exist). The next thing I remember is chatting to Matt about how we were going to get back, due to the fact that it was getting dark, Sandy was essentially on another planet and Stu could not actually physically stand up. The most movement he made through the entire half hour or so Matt and I went through options was about two foot to his right to throw up over the banister, before hanging there like a wilting flower. We considered walking up stream to a bridge (Vang Vieng was about an hour downstream and on the other side of the river) but were faced by impenetrable jungle. We considered tubing to the end, but realized that would spell certain death for at least Stu who was probably capable of falling asleep underwater at this point. We thought about a group tube just to get to the other bank to look for a taxi, but realized any loss of grip on each other and someone could be lost forever, probably washing up in Vientiane somewhere. Given that Matt and myself could hardly be described as sober things looked bad. We even considered sleeping in the hammocks at the bar, but the morning consequences of that one were not worth thinking about. It got dark. Then the bar manager wanted to kick us out. He tried to kick Stu out by slapping him and pulling him up, but there was no response. He lay like a paperweight on some very important documents. In the end - thank god - the guy from the bar decided he could take us and the tubes across the river in his boat. Getting Stu in and out of the boat was fun, but achieved, and we found ourselves in pitch black night in the middle of nowhere. But we were on the correct side of the river!! All we had to do was climb the river bank; cue comical moment with runaway tube, walk toward random lights in the distance we hoped were the road barefoot over god knows what on the floor that was very spiky and painful and get a lift! We reached the lights. It was not the road. All there was was a row of deserted cabins and man on a scooter, to whom we all simply said 'Tuk Tuk', 'Vang Vieng' repeatedly. He seemed to get the idea and a lady appeared who said she could get us there for 60,000Kip. We were not about to haggle and we all (after retrieving Stu from his most recent position of collapse) piled in a four by four, chucking the tubes in the back. On the way to town the driver suddenly shouted at us angrily, completely confusing us until we realized Stu had opened his door and was trying to make a break for it out the moving vehicle. We reeled him in. Drives must have thought we were of the party type because on came the karaoke at full volume. Just what we felt like. He took us direct to the Tubing office though (clever lad) and after having initial fears of the tubes bouncing out the back we alighted to find an entire family sitting on them. We got the deposit back for the tubes and I returned to find Stu asleep on the concrete where I left him. With Matts help we got the bugger walking and I put him to bed.

Somehow Matt and I managed to make it out to Bucket bar where we had another bucket (I don't know why either) with some girls we met on the river, one of whom taught me how to waltz. It was a rather subdued affair really though - we were creamed.

In the morning we were left to ponder just how lucky we had been and also how awake Sandy was given her condition the night before. We grabbed some food, but Stu and I had a bus to catch to Vientiane so we said our goodbyes; this time the Aussies would not be following :-( . The bus was pretty uneventful, with just a small game of 'Guess what that is on the BBQ' raising any eyebrows. In Vientiane we found our faithful guest house and took a room. There was then a power cut, apparently only in this guesthouse, so we had to shower by candlelight and go without the precious cooling fan! We were fairly tired however so it didn't really matter. (For the record, mum, it was this evening I phoned you - this is why I was knackered!!)

The next day was chilled as we had an epic couple of nights in transit ahead and we rolled into the airport around midday. We caught a flight to Kuala Lumpur and somehow landed ourselves sitting with two tour guides of questionable gender. One had decided she was in love with me, and the other was very clearly in love with Stu. This was confirmed when she/he said 'But, I'm in love with you'. For over an hour we were outrageously flirted with and could simply not escape. It turns out they were trying to get married to change their nationality, and we were the lucky boys. Luckily I was out of arms reach, but Stu also got some touchy feely he wasn't really prepared for. You have never seen two men exit an aircraft at greater speed. Even though we knew we were going to spend the next 18 hours or so waiting in the terminal for our connection to India we were surprisingly keen to pass customs and melt into a crowd. It's OK though, we have their contact details...

With nothing to do but eat McDonald's, play cards, try and sleep and eat noodle soup before our flight the next day we decided to eat McDonald's, play cards, try and sleep and eat noodle soup. It was boring.

Landing in India was not. Completely confused due to lack of sleep, a guidebook or orientation we managed to end up in the back of a car with two likely lads who told us they could give us a lift to our hotel. We had no idea how long the journey was meant to be. Turns out it was over an hour, but we were getting seriously worried after about 40 minutes that we were going to be taken to the back of beyond and robbed of everything we owned. However, we reached our hotel!! We just paid over the odds for the ride, but we'll take that given how useless we were at the time; and it was actually quite an entertaining drive, at great speed through gaps in traffic that simply weren't there in a car that was straight out of a gangster film. We felt like we had been promoted to the ant hill mob.

The hotel is pretty good, the neighborhood is an experience. Despite being in the touristy area right near essentially a backpacker alley, Kolkata is a place full of surprises. Live chickens hanging off motorbikes in bunches, people urinating in the street - the constant, ever changing stench, the dirt, the dust, the heat, the small children holding on to you and begging for food. However... also, the amazing food at every corner, the unbelievably small cost of everything, the colorful bustle and the exciting feeling of stepping back in time to the English Raj. Everywhere you turn there are throwbacks to colonialism. The cars, the buildings, even the double gates on the lifts that you have to open and close (straight out of that James bond fight scene, with the lift rising... you know...). Its certainly interesting! We've spent a couple of days alternately exploring and hiding from the heat. We hit up the Victoria Memorial where we also got hit up to buy a guy for a cold drink for giving us some advice, the maiden where literally everyone is playing cricket, Eden park, the river, complete with people essentially bathing in rubbish, and much more, but above all, the little restaurants where we are simply ordering things of the menu with no idea what they are and constantly being delighted. The only real downer has been Pompey not converting a brave effort in the cup final! We're now off to see if we can grab a game of cricket with one of the hundreds of groups that wanted us to play with them yesterday...

One Big Week

The bar was full for the football and with beer flowing like water, as they are the same price, we watched Chelsea dismantle Liverpool much to the delight of one of the travelers 'Frankie Lampard' who had one too many Beer Lao and tried to wind up or fight everyone in the pub. And we wonder why England fans have a reputation?! Before this I was chatting to a friend from Uni who had randomly crossed our path and on me mentioning the word 'India', good old Frankie shot over and gave a lecture, dangerous similar to this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKFjWR7X5dU), actually saying the words, "Best thing I've done on my Gap Yah..". Some people really don't help themselves! We made a swift exit ready for a busy next day.

During the morning pick up for elephant trekking and bathing we found it was to be just us and two girls; incredibly, the two girls being Cass and Jess from Ha Long, Hanoi, Vang Vieng etc, what are the chances! We arrived and met the elephants (couldn't understand our ones name so dubbed it Nelly) and were happy to see them looking healthy and treated well. The four of us then jumped on the two elephants, all seated and ready, and stomped our way for an hour though the bush, encountering various spiders, flies and other creepy crawlies en route. This was cracking fun with these redonkulously powerful creatures making paths where they wanted and certainly always in control! Next up, as part of our 'Mahout' training we learnt some basic elephant language and rode without a guide or a seat, sounded easy enough. Well, to reiterate, the elephant is always in control and regardless of how many times you shout a command, if it wants to stop, it will. Also getting on and off the beast, without a ladder, proved to be a less than graceful task! It was however great fun, but the best was yet to come as the last part was where we got to bathe the elephants in the Mekong. Once down at the river our elephant seemed to be energized by the surround liquid and went crazy in the water, splashing around, bucking like a bronco, rolling over, basically whatever it fancied and with the elephants strength it was a battle to stay on. It was an amazing experience watching the elephants playing and cleaning themselves (although the girls one was much more placid....) and definitely one of the best experiences we have had to date. Highly recommended. After this excitement we realized that the cave trip wasn't happening, no biggy, and headed straight for a local village to try some Lao Lao Whiskey, uber strong, and see some local crafts before cruising back to Luang Prabang for a chilled evening with the girls in a beer garden. All in all, a pretty good day!

After the excitement of the previous day, the pace slowed somewhat and the morning passed with just two DVDs to show for our efforts, the things we have to do now Larry has gone! We spent the afternoon at Kuang Si Waterfall, one of Luang Prabang's main draws, which gave the day some purpose and after a longer than anticipated walk to the top, we walked back down and jumped in the pools below, attempted backflips off the rope-swing (await hilarious video), got our feet eaten by fish and had a general splash around before heading back to our hostel and a chill-out.

During the previous evening we had decided we should be cultural and watch the Monks' being given there Alms by the locals at 5.30am, a daily ritual in Luang Prabang. So with blearing eyes we headed, got there early, believe it or not, to watch this spectacle which unfortunately has turned more touristy than we had realised with most of the givers being foriengers who had brought some sticky rice off a local and just wanted good photos. It was, however, still impressive to see 500 monks around the cobbled streets collecting their daily food (even if we have already seen them buying food and other items in local markets..)

Now, the bad luck part. As you may or may not now, Thailand is protesting like crazy, the Red shirts aren't happy and aren't shy of putting their opinion across in the form of firing grenade launchers at public transport. Anyway, we had been waiting to see if the situation dies down but with the Foreign Office still advising against travel to the whole of Thailand, a new plan was required. It was decided, after entertaining various options, that we would head north in Laos to Muang Ngoi for a few days trekking and chilling in this remote part of Laos followed by working our way back down to Vientiane (Laos' Capital) via Vang Vieng for some more Tubing fun!

So off to Muang Ngoi it was, a place only accessible by boat and with electricity only between 6 and 10pm; it wins the most rural place on the tour so far. On route we stopped at Nong Khiaw where for the first time this trip I had a funny turn and my stomach decided to make everything it had consumed for the last 4 weeks reappear, nice! Luckily this was only short lived and arrived in Muang Ngoi with no dramas and bezzed up with an couple of Ozzies (Matt and Sandy) and a Israeli couple (Norkasaurous +1) and decided to book a two day/one night trek around the area with guide 'Aoot'. This decision was not taken lightly with this part of Laos being possibly the most humid place on Planet Earth, but it was agreed it was worth sweating out, and we were certainly proved right. Also our room for the evening came with both no water and the World's biggest spider who was grande enough to eat us for supper, once in the mossie nets, we didnt leave....

The first day started at a leisurely pace, visiting some caves where the Lao people went to hide during war times, and carried on over flat terrain, passing by paddy fields and very large water buffalo, till lunch at a local village, that Aoots helper 'Water Boy' had been carrying, and some respite from the sun in the hammocks! The next four hours were to be uphill in the heat of the day, not for the fainthearted! The six of us plus the two guides worked hard and sweated so much I rang my vest out on two separate occasions but were rewarded both by spectacular views and an immense sense of achievement when we arrived at our night stop, a local Hmong village. Staying at the village was one of the main reasons we had gone with the two day option; we arrived to find farm and domestic animals everywhere, ranging from pigs to dogs, and loads of children playing.

We were stared at to start with, but a few 'Sai Ba Dees' later the kids were loving us and enjoying Western company in this very traditional village. It felt like a step back in time with the living conditions and philosophies but it was an incredible experience as by no means was this a show for us, we were in their weird and wonderful world. After a 'shower' and dinner of bamboo and sticky rice, we relaxed and enjoyed our surroundings before tiredness and the lack of electricity took hold and it was bed time in our paper thin bungalows.

Day two started early with the ever-present cockrals who cant "cockadoodleooo" properly, very frustrating, we grabed some more sticky rice for breakfast and headed off for what we were told was a more relaxed day trekking. However nothing is too relaxed in 1,500,000% humidity, but with a significant proportion of the walk in a small stream, it wasn't as strenuous as the previous day. With different scenery it was still a pleasure to walk with various slips and trips making banter available for use. We arrived at the river and proceeded to enjoy some well earned shade and lunch before starting our Tubing back to Muang Ngoi. This is not the same event that Tubing in Vang Vieng is, this time you are allowed to slowly (maybe too slowly as current was non-existent) drift down river taking in the sights and sounds of the majestically beautiful place. It got so relaxed at one point I actually fell asleep! Its a hard life. After a quick helping hand from the boat we reached Muang Ngoi safe and sound and completely shattered, but what a couple of days!?! Why did we even think about Thailand! As evening drew closer we chatted amongst the group over a few Beer Lao before hitting the sack.

For our last day in Muang we decided to chill the hell out and spent the morning reading before going for lunch at the bar by the river. We however didn't not leave said bar not till gone midnight as various backpackers came and went. The most impressive being 'Bear Grylls', Matt from Cornwall, who was kayaking down the river from the very north of Laos and had already sunk three times, hero. With the town being in Low Season everyone got to know each other over more beer and food, stories from all corners of the globe were shared and a cheeky game of poker was won by me, easyyyyy!

Today we have just made our way back to Luang Prabang with the only action of note being our boat crashing head on into rocks when leaving Muang Ngoi (the driver was more like Massa than Alonso...). Hopefully this picture shows the extent of the crash, our first in 250 days of travelling, which was luckly patch up with only pride hurt. Tonight its sports night with F1 and football frequenting the screens.....Two Beer Laos please?

On the bus and 'In the Tubing'

Well, Stu was right, the border crossing we headed toward had one of the worst reputations around. We sailed through it though - it was the monstrous journey either side that caused us problems!! First we were squashed into a minibus, with bags and people in very strange places forcing us to get to know our travel compatriots for the trip to the bus station very quickly. Then we boarded the 'bus'. Despite being designed for people this thing was clearly a merchant vessel and every bit of space that could have been filled with cargo was. All over the roof, the entire back section of seating and ALL of the floor space. The isle itself was just full of boxes so that to get to the seats we had to balance our way along a little box runway. I need not elaborate and tell you what this meant for leg room. And since this bus was from the dark ages, with the seats designed for leprechauns there was precious little knee room either; none if the German in front of you wants to recline his chair. We decided the only means of survival was to see the funny side. However, we did question whether this would maintain us for the 24 hours we were scheduled to be in the little metal smuggling machine. Then God decided to take an even larger dump on us and persuade every local in the vicinity that this was also the bus they wanted to catch, be there seats left on board for them or not. After a couple of stops on the way out of Hanoi the place was rammed. People were sleeping up in the roof on the goods, sitting all down the aisle, and standing when that wasn't possible. They were also the rudest people we have met for a while and despite paying less than a third of the price we did (Yes... we saw!!) they thought that they had an equal right to as much seat as they could get there hands on, sprawling all over the arm rests, and stealing them whenever we left to get some food or use the loo. We always got them back, but when one stole Stu's blanket unfortunately we had no proof and the little bugger got away with it (until we stole it back later... MWAH HA HA!). One girl gave reports of getting groped, though we are not fully surprised... she was very attractive! Anyway... worst 24 hours we've had for a long time.

We reached Vientiane on time by some small miracle, despite having to get out and push the bus up anything that threatened to turn into a hill, grabbed a Tuk-Tuk to the center, found the cheapest guesthouse in town, saw that it had two beds a chance to get clean and took it. A shower and a plate of food made the difference before we retired to bed. The next day we took a wander around what is probably the world's smallest capital city. It has a lot of charm though, and certainly fulfilled the purpose we had in mind for it in breaking up our journey to the town of legend, Vang Vieng. We also had our first encounter with the infamous Laos Sandwich here, which was delicious, and with Laotian beer, cunningly called 'Beer Lao', which was also delicious, the flavor no doubt being improved by the fact that it was consumed in a open air bar overlooking the Mekong. Chilled.

The bus we chose to take to Vang Vieng was the local one. It was half the price of the comfy air-con express bus... need I say more. It also turned out to be great fun! There was initially great confusion as to where our bags would go, we got blasted by dust and wind through the windows (who needs aircon anyway), and had fears that the side of the bus would literally fall away at any moment; but it got us there on time and with all bones and luggage intact so what the hell! The only problem we did have was that we didn't know where 'there' was. We were dropped at the side of the road, with no sign of the town, and this is one place our guide book decides doesn't need to be mapped (incidentally, whats going on there lonely planet, this place is like backpacker mecca, literally everyone comes here at some point, would a map not be a useful addition?!?). Anyway, we did some basic calculations pointed ourselves in a direction and thankfully found guesthouses. Very cheap ones. We went for the cheapest as usual, but I think we would both agree that even with our attitude to accommodation this one may be one we regret. This is mainly because the beds were many of some form of rudimentary concrete and it soon transpired that all we were going to do here was eat sandwiches, drink copious amount of alcohol out of buckets and go tubing, leaving our bodies in less than acceptable states in dire need of good nights in the sack. Oh well!

After orientating ourselves after the bus and congratulating ourselves on how cheap a room we had found (fools...) we thought we might hit up a quiet beer for sunset so we tried the aptly named 'sunset' bar. We soon realized we were the only section of the clientele that wasn't there to get high. This is the bar, that in the middle of the country that has the death penalty for drug use, gives out a free bifta' between 7 and 9. Beer was good though, and it was very chilled... Later we headed to Bucket bar for er... a bucket, and bumped into some friends from Hoi an. Small world eh?

We also had our first encounter with 'sandwich lady' who, of course, like spring roll lady and fry rice lady before her became our main source of nutrition for our stay. This is mainly because she made the most absurdly huge and outrageously deliciously sandwiches. This is something that cannot be impressed upon our readership enough. If you go to Laos, particularly if you go to Vang Vieng, have the bacon chicken cheese sandwich. See it explode out the bun as you try to consume it. Watch it ooze with its freshly, right in front of you cooked-ness. Feel it fill you up entirely (but leave some room for your free banana).

The next day was the day we went Tubing. This is another absurd experience. Basically there is a river. It is lined with bars which serve very cheaply priced alcohol and all give away free shots of whiskey. Each bar has some sort of highly dangerous looking swing/slide affair which will jettison you over or into the river at high speed. You rent a rubber ring and float down the river. Every time you run out of alcohol or get the urge to either take some illegal drug (if that's your fancy...) or throw yourself out of a tree attached to a wire with drunken abandon you wave at a little man from the bar and he chucks you a line and drags you in. Slide bar was our favorite - it had a big slide... but then again, we also found a bar that sold rice whiskey buckets (which is basically the equivalent of moonshine out here). We got very drunk there. (Just to show you how stupid it is, this place also gave us a free joint... !!) It also had a slingshot competition out back, where we stumbled around and shot stones at beer cans at high speed. I'm not sure I've ever had as much fun.

The problem with the rice whiskey is that despite being very impressive it completely finished us off. We floated off downstream and decided that when Luke, Jo and Rhiannon, our Tubing bezzers, got out to head back we would carry on to the end. We then decided when we saw the sign saying 'Tubing end' it wasn't the end because we didn't recognize it and floated off again. It turns out it was the end. We were a little late returning our tubes. There was only one thing for it... another sandwich!! We are agreed that given the circumstances and the greatness of sandwich ladies sandwiches this was among the best things we have ever tasted.

The next day we woke up with battered and bruised bodies but no regrets. We wandered round and got our obligatory 'in the Tubing' vests, ate some sandwiches and played some cards over sunset on the river (and a small insect attack). Clearly this was far too relaxed for Vang Vieng so we rounded off our time here by getting some free (FREE!!) buckets and then getting very drunk in Bucket bar, where we met up with our tubing friends and then bumped into Cass and Jess from Halong Bay. Very small world, but as I said, everyone comes to Vang Vieng!!

A bus north the next day on the worlds most windy but possibly most scenic (even by our now rather high standards) road. 8 Hours of holding on round corners later and we reached Luang Prabang, supposedly one of the most beautiful places in Laos. It's very nice. We took a wander round the night market last night and forced ourselves not to spend any money, whilst knowing that we definitely will when we return, such was the variety and quality of all the handicrafts on display.

Today we have relaxed and explored the town proper. We also popped across a bamboo bridge of questionable stability to a handicraft village and bought things off handicraft-paper making lady before booking a elephant riding trip for tomorrow. We have found a little bar to watch the football in tonight which serves Beer Lao, and our beds come with mattresses here so all is well with the world. Ahhhhhhhhhh.....