We really should blog more often...

Devastation. The only pub in Luang Prabang that shows sports did not get the channel the F1 was on. We drank beer and played pool instead. Luckily we had arranged to meet our Aussie friends Matt and Sandy there so all was not lost. Later, a Spaniard and a Slovenian from Muong Ngoi took us up on our invitation for beer also and joined us so we chatted and kept our eye on the footy. The next day we took the long and windy road back to Vang Vieng, this time deciding a minivan might fair better up the hills, but not counting on having the world's most laidback driver. A refreshing change I might add, as everyone else who drives in these parts seems hell bent on suicide. We made fair time and DIDN'T stay in the guesthouse of our last visit. For 80p extra a night we upgraded to a riverside bungalow. Very nice. Once again we met up with the Aussie duo in Qbar (who are clearly lost without us and followed us all this way...) for a free bucket. Then another bucket and finally a bucket in Bucket bar and some dancing. This may have been a bucket too far as when we met in the morning for a bit of tubing action, canceling said tubing due to overhungness was considered. However, we were not in Vang Vieng to f**k spiders and we concluded the best solution was an early beer on the river.

Having done tubing before Stu and I felt we had a fair idea of what to expect. This is another example of how we manage to continually underestimate Vang Vieng and it's hedonistic culture. Beer in hand we floated through the early bars, did the crazy swings and generally made merry as before. The only notable difference to our last stretch on this part of the river was the point where we found even more Aussies at 'mud bar' and promptly started a game of mud volleyball. This is perhaps the most pointless yet equally most entertaining game I have ever come across. At some points the 'court' was waist deep and there was no way quick movements could be undertaken. Needless to say, we simply got caked head to toe. However, due to Vang Viengs superb tubing course design we merely had to use one of the swings and get ploughed into the river at high speed to clean off. I got a nose-full.

After this, we went back to slide bar and had a bucket, scared ourselves silly on the mother swing and got bruises from the slide but then strange, unexplainable things happened. We went back to sling-shot bar; the bar of previous post fame for it's moonshine buckets, and everything went to pot. Two bottles of rice whiskey were used to make us four buckets (you do the math) and four free joints were produced. Some of us partook in these smoke-able delights and drank their buckets rather fast, berating others who had decided to take the aeroplane fuel at a slower pace. Apparently we met people in this period and had some fun and games with the pool table and cue, but this was lost on us until the morning when Sandy produced her camera, and some of the funniest photos from the tour so far. (Large black periods still exist). The next thing I remember is chatting to Matt about how we were going to get back, due to the fact that it was getting dark, Sandy was essentially on another planet and Stu could not actually physically stand up. The most movement he made through the entire half hour or so Matt and I went through options was about two foot to his right to throw up over the banister, before hanging there like a wilting flower. We considered walking up stream to a bridge (Vang Vieng was about an hour downstream and on the other side of the river) but were faced by impenetrable jungle. We considered tubing to the end, but realized that would spell certain death for at least Stu who was probably capable of falling asleep underwater at this point. We thought about a group tube just to get to the other bank to look for a taxi, but realized any loss of grip on each other and someone could be lost forever, probably washing up in Vientiane somewhere. Given that Matt and myself could hardly be described as sober things looked bad. We even considered sleeping in the hammocks at the bar, but the morning consequences of that one were not worth thinking about. It got dark. Then the bar manager wanted to kick us out. He tried to kick Stu out by slapping him and pulling him up, but there was no response. He lay like a paperweight on some very important documents. In the end - thank god - the guy from the bar decided he could take us and the tubes across the river in his boat. Getting Stu in and out of the boat was fun, but achieved, and we found ourselves in pitch black night in the middle of nowhere. But we were on the correct side of the river!! All we had to do was climb the river bank; cue comical moment with runaway tube, walk toward random lights in the distance we hoped were the road barefoot over god knows what on the floor that was very spiky and painful and get a lift! We reached the lights. It was not the road. All there was was a row of deserted cabins and man on a scooter, to whom we all simply said 'Tuk Tuk', 'Vang Vieng' repeatedly. He seemed to get the idea and a lady appeared who said she could get us there for 60,000Kip. We were not about to haggle and we all (after retrieving Stu from his most recent position of collapse) piled in a four by four, chucking the tubes in the back. On the way to town the driver suddenly shouted at us angrily, completely confusing us until we realized Stu had opened his door and was trying to make a break for it out the moving vehicle. We reeled him in. Drives must have thought we were of the party type because on came the karaoke at full volume. Just what we felt like. He took us direct to the Tubing office though (clever lad) and after having initial fears of the tubes bouncing out the back we alighted to find an entire family sitting on them. We got the deposit back for the tubes and I returned to find Stu asleep on the concrete where I left him. With Matts help we got the bugger walking and I put him to bed.

Somehow Matt and I managed to make it out to Bucket bar where we had another bucket (I don't know why either) with some girls we met on the river, one of whom taught me how to waltz. It was a rather subdued affair really though - we were creamed.

In the morning we were left to ponder just how lucky we had been and also how awake Sandy was given her condition the night before. We grabbed some food, but Stu and I had a bus to catch to Vientiane so we said our goodbyes; this time the Aussies would not be following :-( . The bus was pretty uneventful, with just a small game of 'Guess what that is on the BBQ' raising any eyebrows. In Vientiane we found our faithful guest house and took a room. There was then a power cut, apparently only in this guesthouse, so we had to shower by candlelight and go without the precious cooling fan! We were fairly tired however so it didn't really matter. (For the record, mum, it was this evening I phoned you - this is why I was knackered!!)

The next day was chilled as we had an epic couple of nights in transit ahead and we rolled into the airport around midday. We caught a flight to Kuala Lumpur and somehow landed ourselves sitting with two tour guides of questionable gender. One had decided she was in love with me, and the other was very clearly in love with Stu. This was confirmed when she/he said 'But, I'm in love with you'. For over an hour we were outrageously flirted with and could simply not escape. It turns out they were trying to get married to change their nationality, and we were the lucky boys. Luckily I was out of arms reach, but Stu also got some touchy feely he wasn't really prepared for. You have never seen two men exit an aircraft at greater speed. Even though we knew we were going to spend the next 18 hours or so waiting in the terminal for our connection to India we were surprisingly keen to pass customs and melt into a crowd. It's OK though, we have their contact details...

With nothing to do but eat McDonald's, play cards, try and sleep and eat noodle soup before our flight the next day we decided to eat McDonald's, play cards, try and sleep and eat noodle soup. It was boring.

Landing in India was not. Completely confused due to lack of sleep, a guidebook or orientation we managed to end up in the back of a car with two likely lads who told us they could give us a lift to our hotel. We had no idea how long the journey was meant to be. Turns out it was over an hour, but we were getting seriously worried after about 40 minutes that we were going to be taken to the back of beyond and robbed of everything we owned. However, we reached our hotel!! We just paid over the odds for the ride, but we'll take that given how useless we were at the time; and it was actually quite an entertaining drive, at great speed through gaps in traffic that simply weren't there in a car that was straight out of a gangster film. We felt like we had been promoted to the ant hill mob.

The hotel is pretty good, the neighborhood is an experience. Despite being in the touristy area right near essentially a backpacker alley, Kolkata is a place full of surprises. Live chickens hanging off motorbikes in bunches, people urinating in the street - the constant, ever changing stench, the dirt, the dust, the heat, the small children holding on to you and begging for food. However... also, the amazing food at every corner, the unbelievably small cost of everything, the colorful bustle and the exciting feeling of stepping back in time to the English Raj. Everywhere you turn there are throwbacks to colonialism. The cars, the buildings, even the double gates on the lifts that you have to open and close (straight out of that James bond fight scene, with the lift rising... you know...). Its certainly interesting! We've spent a couple of days alternately exploring and hiding from the heat. We hit up the Victoria Memorial where we also got hit up to buy a guy for a cold drink for giving us some advice, the maiden where literally everyone is playing cricket, Eden park, the river, complete with people essentially bathing in rubbish, and much more, but above all, the little restaurants where we are simply ordering things of the menu with no idea what they are and constantly being delighted. The only real downer has been Pompey not converting a brave effort in the cup final! We're now off to see if we can grab a game of cricket with one of the hundreds of groups that wanted us to play with them yesterday...