On the bus and 'In the Tubing'

Well, Stu was right, the border crossing we headed toward had one of the worst reputations around. We sailed through it though - it was the monstrous journey either side that caused us problems!! First we were squashed into a minibus, with bags and people in very strange places forcing us to get to know our travel compatriots for the trip to the bus station very quickly. Then we boarded the 'bus'. Despite being designed for people this thing was clearly a merchant vessel and every bit of space that could have been filled with cargo was. All over the roof, the entire back section of seating and ALL of the floor space. The isle itself was just full of boxes so that to get to the seats we had to balance our way along a little box runway. I need not elaborate and tell you what this meant for leg room. And since this bus was from the dark ages, with the seats designed for leprechauns there was precious little knee room either; none if the German in front of you wants to recline his chair. We decided the only means of survival was to see the funny side. However, we did question whether this would maintain us for the 24 hours we were scheduled to be in the little metal smuggling machine. Then God decided to take an even larger dump on us and persuade every local in the vicinity that this was also the bus they wanted to catch, be there seats left on board for them or not. After a couple of stops on the way out of Hanoi the place was rammed. People were sleeping up in the roof on the goods, sitting all down the aisle, and standing when that wasn't possible. They were also the rudest people we have met for a while and despite paying less than a third of the price we did (Yes... we saw!!) they thought that they had an equal right to as much seat as they could get there hands on, sprawling all over the arm rests, and stealing them whenever we left to get some food or use the loo. We always got them back, but when one stole Stu's blanket unfortunately we had no proof and the little bugger got away with it (until we stole it back later... MWAH HA HA!). One girl gave reports of getting groped, though we are not fully surprised... she was very attractive! Anyway... worst 24 hours we've had for a long time.

We reached Vientiane on time by some small miracle, despite having to get out and push the bus up anything that threatened to turn into a hill, grabbed a Tuk-Tuk to the center, found the cheapest guesthouse in town, saw that it had two beds a chance to get clean and took it. A shower and a plate of food made the difference before we retired to bed. The next day we took a wander around what is probably the world's smallest capital city. It has a lot of charm though, and certainly fulfilled the purpose we had in mind for it in breaking up our journey to the town of legend, Vang Vieng. We also had our first encounter with the infamous Laos Sandwich here, which was delicious, and with Laotian beer, cunningly called 'Beer Lao', which was also delicious, the flavor no doubt being improved by the fact that it was consumed in a open air bar overlooking the Mekong. Chilled.

The bus we chose to take to Vang Vieng was the local one. It was half the price of the comfy air-con express bus... need I say more. It also turned out to be great fun! There was initially great confusion as to where our bags would go, we got blasted by dust and wind through the windows (who needs aircon anyway), and had fears that the side of the bus would literally fall away at any moment; but it got us there on time and with all bones and luggage intact so what the hell! The only problem we did have was that we didn't know where 'there' was. We were dropped at the side of the road, with no sign of the town, and this is one place our guide book decides doesn't need to be mapped (incidentally, whats going on there lonely planet, this place is like backpacker mecca, literally everyone comes here at some point, would a map not be a useful addition?!?). Anyway, we did some basic calculations pointed ourselves in a direction and thankfully found guesthouses. Very cheap ones. We went for the cheapest as usual, but I think we would both agree that even with our attitude to accommodation this one may be one we regret. This is mainly because the beds were many of some form of rudimentary concrete and it soon transpired that all we were going to do here was eat sandwiches, drink copious amount of alcohol out of buckets and go tubing, leaving our bodies in less than acceptable states in dire need of good nights in the sack. Oh well!

After orientating ourselves after the bus and congratulating ourselves on how cheap a room we had found (fools...) we thought we might hit up a quiet beer for sunset so we tried the aptly named 'sunset' bar. We soon realized we were the only section of the clientele that wasn't there to get high. This is the bar, that in the middle of the country that has the death penalty for drug use, gives out a free bifta' between 7 and 9. Beer was good though, and it was very chilled... Later we headed to Bucket bar for er... a bucket, and bumped into some friends from Hoi an. Small world eh?

We also had our first encounter with 'sandwich lady' who, of course, like spring roll lady and fry rice lady before her became our main source of nutrition for our stay. This is mainly because she made the most absurdly huge and outrageously deliciously sandwiches. This is something that cannot be impressed upon our readership enough. If you go to Laos, particularly if you go to Vang Vieng, have the bacon chicken cheese sandwich. See it explode out the bun as you try to consume it. Watch it ooze with its freshly, right in front of you cooked-ness. Feel it fill you up entirely (but leave some room for your free banana).

The next day was the day we went Tubing. This is another absurd experience. Basically there is a river. It is lined with bars which serve very cheaply priced alcohol and all give away free shots of whiskey. Each bar has some sort of highly dangerous looking swing/slide affair which will jettison you over or into the river at high speed. You rent a rubber ring and float down the river. Every time you run out of alcohol or get the urge to either take some illegal drug (if that's your fancy...) or throw yourself out of a tree attached to a wire with drunken abandon you wave at a little man from the bar and he chucks you a line and drags you in. Slide bar was our favorite - it had a big slide... but then again, we also found a bar that sold rice whiskey buckets (which is basically the equivalent of moonshine out here). We got very drunk there. (Just to show you how stupid it is, this place also gave us a free joint... !!) It also had a slingshot competition out back, where we stumbled around and shot stones at beer cans at high speed. I'm not sure I've ever had as much fun.

The problem with the rice whiskey is that despite being very impressive it completely finished us off. We floated off downstream and decided that when Luke, Jo and Rhiannon, our Tubing bezzers, got out to head back we would carry on to the end. We then decided when we saw the sign saying 'Tubing end' it wasn't the end because we didn't recognize it and floated off again. It turns out it was the end. We were a little late returning our tubes. There was only one thing for it... another sandwich!! We are agreed that given the circumstances and the greatness of sandwich ladies sandwiches this was among the best things we have ever tasted.

The next day we woke up with battered and bruised bodies but no regrets. We wandered round and got our obligatory 'in the Tubing' vests, ate some sandwiches and played some cards over sunset on the river (and a small insect attack). Clearly this was far too relaxed for Vang Vieng so we rounded off our time here by getting some free (FREE!!) buckets and then getting very drunk in Bucket bar, where we met up with our tubing friends and then bumped into Cass and Jess from Halong Bay. Very small world, but as I said, everyone comes to Vang Vieng!!

A bus north the next day on the worlds most windy but possibly most scenic (even by our now rather high standards) road. 8 Hours of holding on round corners later and we reached Luang Prabang, supposedly one of the most beautiful places in Laos. It's very nice. We took a wander round the night market last night and forced ourselves not to spend any money, whilst knowing that we definitely will when we return, such was the variety and quality of all the handicrafts on display.

Today we have relaxed and explored the town proper. We also popped across a bamboo bridge of questionable stability to a handicraft village and bought things off handicraft-paper making lady before booking a elephant riding trip for tomorrow. We have found a little bar to watch the football in tonight which serves Beer Lao, and our beds come with mattresses here so all is well with the world. Ahhhhhhhhhh.....